I feel happy, I feel sad I feel overjoyed
I feel like running through the walls

how do u close the old wounds, the old insecurities, the old worries..how do u find reassurance..i guess u cant expect that life is about taking risks but one too many times people have decieve me and for the first time in awhile ive opened my heart but im so scared its not how i think it is and its all going to come crumbling down but how do u even begin to explain to someone that one simple word unravles that all…its crazy aint it?..

— 1 year ago
the past

i did what i did with only the best intentions in mind i let us go our separate ways, i was confused and very lost at the time but i knew that u didnt deserve to be in that mess with me..i hate the thought of any pain caused because of that and me being the one to cause it? i dont like that thought much at all…but i guess we were both jumping our hurdles at the same time oddly enough, even if the sources werent the same..and i dont know how to feel about that exactly but to say i made u a better person? now thats way too little faith in urself… i knew you would be okay i saw all that in you already even before u ever realized..i never expected this to happen tho but in a very weird way it worked out and i guess the past is best left where it belongs before i miss whats in front of me now..taking the credit for all that thought..now thats something i could never do..

ive never been in this type of situation before sometimes i stop and think about it and wonder if i should feel bad or selfish but honestly i never intended for any of it to play out as it did..i cant remember much but i remember actually feeling something before and then we started anew its like that rekindled and grew so much more or better said the way it was supposed to before..i would say we were both right and wrong then..that i can say with utmost certainty so i guess now walking down the same path putting our best foot forward i guess we are both getting a second shot and maybe it all played out fairly…oddly enough

& i cannot stress the word odd enough..

but i guess thats how life happens…so much time waiting around for it or looking in all the wrong places..i guess thats how these things happen they just kind of sneak up on u in the weirdest yet right times..

but now im just rambling as i do..

these words i write are only doing half the justice of what id like to truly express..

— 1 year ago
#pondering  #life  #its like that 

Im not sure what i want or where im going but it becomes clearer the more we go thro we figure out what we dont need and where we dont want to go..maybe that will helps us find what we NEED

— 1 year ago
Suck it up

hurry now shove it all under the rug before they arrive

your hearts on your sleeve

no one can see no one can tell

hurry they are close

everything is just fine.

— 1 year ago

I dont know why i think its okay for me to settle i deserve better dont i see that? 

I deserve someone that will make me happy not cry all the time..i deserve better

so why do i continue to just settle?

this cycle has got to stop

— 1 year ago

somehow everyone seems to be moving forward with their lives everything falling into place meeting new people moving up in life getting it together and i just seem to be stuck in the same place facing the same issues everyone has got a good control on things why cant i do the same

— 1 year ago

the amount of times i have reblogged this…


the amount of times i have reblogged this…

(via monviemylife)

— 1 year ago with 197347 notes

Its funny how things work out

what if i didnt go down the path i did

i wouldve had other things

but what good are those things

what person would that make me

where would i be

even tho..the path im on isnt perfect and theres sooo much i have to work on

i wouldnt have it any other way

and im content with the person i am and the person i can be

even tho im far from being the person i want to be and i know i can be

quality over quantity?

— 1 year ago

That moment of impact…meeting someone new..when you two just click and it feels so right, you cant stop thinking about it..everything suddenly being so much brighter than it has been every day for the past few weeks..they’ve come in ur life holding the very candle youve been searching for..somehow managing to intertwine themselves deep within youre heart and mind..but ..then they get to know you more and more the real you and all you always try to hide from the world..theyve managed to climb over the wall youve so heavily built..all the things you struggle with on a daily basis that no one knows about the very things that keep you up at night and break any hope you see come into youre life..those things ..the demons in your head that youve yet to overcome, but so desperately want to…the ones you hide under the rug quickly before anyone notices..you know those? …but thats the thing you can only hide them for so long..sooner or later they will pile up and you’ll find yourself in a deeper hole then youve ever even thought of..how did this happen? when did it all get so heavy? …that every day it weighs you down but you try not to let it bring you down not this time anyways..this time is different this time im not sure if i could handle yet another person being pushed away because of all this darkness in that closet of mine that ive so tightly locked…but now its time to open up that door and sort through it all start from the very top of the pile…from the very bottom of the hole and climb my way out..its not like theres no one holding out their hand for me to grab, there is…its just..something in me just decided to give up and hope for one day for it to just all be better..one day for it to all just go away..and to finally fully see the light…to finally no longer have anything to hide under the rug…to no longer have this all weigh me down everyday…

I try to show you my best side and put all that behind me.. This time i actually wanna try…im so tired of it all…and i wont be able to deal with the idea that again this happened no, not again at least not without effort..but i cant make any promises ive dug myself this hole pretty deep..sometimes i wonder if ill ever fully get out but ive given up for far to long..its been far too long..

but i want to so badly but something in me has just given up and its so hard to change but i want to so badly its like something in me doesnt let me

and why? why i always wonder

how did i get like this?

is there a way i could actually fix it all on my own?

i wish it would happen quickly im so tired of it…

can i ? i can i really do it?

or do i need some pills if so let me take them..give me something

give me anything

— 1 year ago