Im not sure what i want or where im going but it becomes clearer the more we go thro we figure out what we dont need and where we dont want to go..maybe that will helps us find what we NEED
hurry now shove it all under the rug before they arrive
your hearts on your sleeve
no one can see no one can tell
hurry they are close
everything is just fine.
I dont know why i think its okay for me to settle i deserve better dont i see that?
I deserve someone that will make me happy not cry all the time..i deserve better
so why do i continue to just settle?
this cycle has got to stop
somehow everyone seems to be moving forward with their lives everything falling into place meeting new people moving up in life getting it together and i just seem to be stuck in the same place facing the same issues everyone has got a good control on things why cant i do the same
Its funny how things work out
what if i didnt go down the path i did
i wouldve had other things
but what good are those things
what person would that make me
where would i be
even tho..the path im on isnt perfect and theres sooo much i have to work on
i wouldnt have it any other way
and im content with the person i am and the person i can be
even tho im far from being the person i want to be and i know i can be
quality over quantity?
That moment of impact…meeting someone new..when you two just click and it feels so right, you cant stop thinking about it..everything suddenly being so much brighter than it has been every day for the past few weeks..they’ve come in ur life holding the very candle youve been searching for..somehow managing to intertwine themselves deep within youre heart and mind..but ..then they get to know you more and more the real you and all you always try to hide from the world..theyve managed to climb over the wall youve so heavily built..all the things you struggle with on a daily basis that no one knows about the very things that keep you up at night and break any hope you see come into youre life..those things ..the demons in your head that youve yet to overcome, but so desperately want to…the ones you hide under the rug quickly before anyone notices..you know those? …but thats the thing you can only hide them for so long..sooner or later they will pile up and you’ll find yourself in a deeper hole then youve ever even thought of..how did this happen? when did it all get so heavy? …that every day it weighs you down but you try not to let it bring you down not this time anyways..this time is different this time im not sure if i could handle yet another person being pushed away because of all this darkness in that closet of mine that ive so tightly locked…but now its time to open up that door and sort through it all start from the very top of the pile…from the very bottom of the hole and climb my way out..its not like theres no one holding out their hand for me to grab, there is…its just..something in me just decided to give up and hope for one day for it to just all be better..one day for it to all just go away..and to finally fully see the light…to finally no longer have anything to hide under the rug…to no longer have this all weigh me down everyday…
I try to show you my best side and put all that behind me.. This time i actually wanna try…im so tired of it all…and i wont be able to deal with the idea that again this happened no, not again at least not without effort..but i cant make any promises ive dug myself this hole pretty deep..sometimes i wonder if ill ever fully get out but ive given up for far to long..its been far too long..
but i want to so badly but something in me has just given up and its so hard to change but i want to so badly its like something in me doesnt let me
and why? why i always wonder
how did i get like this?
is there a way i could actually fix it all on my own?
i wish it would happen quickly im so tired of it…
can i ? i can i really do it?
or do i need some pills if so let me take them..give me something
give me anything
it frustrates me the amount of times i feel i need to prove people wrong from how many times people undermine me and think less of me just cause i dont look it but i cant entirely blame them we all judge by appearances automatically it just upsets me but whatever, imma do me : P
im not that naive i just have deeper issues that cause me to appear and act on things as if i was but ill get all that sorted out soon enough life throws at you what you need to catch but sometimes you can dodge it…i dont need all that in my life right now can i just get a calm semester of me actually just focusing on school and a few friends here and there like ive wanted from the start of college? why is everyone so crazy and wild in college lol the media has surely boosted our own expectations for ourselves socially in college its okay to have a calm life in college it can still be enjoyable…innocent fun anyone? but ofc theres a time and place for everything..now is just not the time for all that sure i can be more social and what not but eh i dont really feel like it ill get around to that sooner or later im okay the way i am ive had enough craziness in my life these past months but hey i dont have to go crazy but i can still have a good time and if someone doesnt like that welllll too bad : P you came after me i was just doing what i gotta do so think about it..youre making it seem like you have all the say but you already just handed me the keys ..will i throw them or out of curiosity open the box?
ha curiousity can kill the cat but right now im fine with the way things are and if someone worth it like truely worth it comes along then maybe , just maybe but im not about to continue this cycle of empty words and relationships just to conform to the whole college scene risking my self worth and self respect in the process..i may not be the strongest person out there but i know whats good or not good and what can truly make a decent person
but im not judging people im simply doing what i have to do sometimes when ur busy closing one door you dont notice the other doors that have opened for me personally i dont think any doors have opened yet but for you..i think they might just have opened and behind it is exactly what you need maybe not what you want but sometimes we alll neeed a reality check but for now ill take a rain check on that ride to the wild college life
I figured out why im so confused as to who i am because i wouldnt ever make a first move with a guy i would wait for a guy to be interested in me or i would catch his attention by apealing to his interests cause i could figure out what kinda girl they like or the style of the girl but looking around to guys i always think they wont like me , my self worth is like down the toliet before it was bad now its even worse but now i get why im confused how i feel about ppll cause they show interest in me then thats when ill be interested too cause i think no one would really like me…at least not just for me as a person i guess thats why im so superficial sometimes btu lately im realizing my personality is sucky and i wanna better it otherwise i got nothnig cause ppl here are way prettier and stuff and looks can only get u so far
